XKCD Isn't Funny - #1887 - Two Down, One To Go

When I first read this I thought this was in reference to some sci-fi book I'd never read. Like in the book these three things all happen and it's a sign of the apocalypse. (The fact that the aurora happens more than once a year did 100% slip my mind, and you are free to mock me for this fact in the comments) I didn't wanna do that kinda review again where I have to rely on explainxkcd to make sure I'm getting my facts right about the referenced thing I've never read.

See, back in middle school, I was taught to always label my graphs. Reading a graph is supposed to be intuitive, we shouldn't have to infer anything. Without a label on the y-axis, all we know is that these things have happened in some way. We have to read the alt-text to realize that Randy is just talking about stuff he's seen.

And that is just TERRIBLE. This comic is only valuable in any way to people who've become deeply invested in Randy as a person, and even then it's barely worth mentioning. As anon pointed out, the comic is just listing two things he's done. And yeah, both of those phenomena are kinda cool, and I'm a little be envious of Randy for getting to see them both, but is that really material for a comic? If he really wanted to use this framework, he should've actually described the total eclipse vs the aurora, comparing and contrasting the different ways they embodied the majesty of nature and all that.

In conclusion, when I was in grade school my aunt somehow won an interview with Ryder Windham and he was a super nice guy, but because I asked him about Bionicle at one point, that means I was technically TEN YEARS ahead of all y'all on Bionicle G2. And another time at work I recognized this dude's voice and he worked for NPR and he shook my hand.

What are two things you've done?

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1765 - Baby Post & #1767 - US State Names

I can relate to this comic because I also have many friends that check their phones, walk up to me, and ask why I posted something. It's a hard life being famous, but since me and Randall Munroe are the only two famous people in the world I guess it's okay.

This comic is really just a perfectly fine joke mangled in the presentation. Bald should just be checking his daughter's browser history or asking her what she's doing on the computer. Instead we get this convoluted thing where he's being updated on what his account posted to Facebook by other people.

The Facebook thing isn't just non-integral either; it actively confuses the reader as to the daughter's precise role in the story. The stuff she's uploading paints her as some kind of developing criminal, but if she's going to do crimes why is she posting about it to Facebook? If she's posting it by accident then how is she even finding jewel room schematics? She can research how to steal the crown jewels but not how to avoid posting things to Facebook?

And in panel two, the guy says he would have to look up how to set up a lock screen, which is just baffling. Is he like one of those super old people that doesn't know what email is?

A guy slowly realizing his daughter is becoming a criminal is not a bad idea, but it's presented so poorly. It's like trying to make out a melody being played on a detuned radio.

Also, does 'videos on metal-working, zip lines, and camouflage?' come off weird to anyone else? Like, the video is just about camouflage, just in general. That could just be me though.

Just a worse version of #1759. That comic had the premise an American labeling a British map, so it made sense that everything would be misnamed. This comic doesn't really have a premise at all, so I'm just confused as to why it exists. Like, if the caption was "The Fifty States Of Autocorrect", then okay, that's a weak joke, but I understand why the names are all weird. Does Randy think that incorrect names are inherently funny on their own? 

All that said I do quite enjoy "Dakota / More Dakota", even though it's in the wrong order.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1759 - British Map & #1761 - Blame

This is probably the weakest a comic can be without getting a thumbs-down. The joke boils down to 'certain words sound British', which is obvious to anyone that knows anything about history. We speak English, which was developed (mostly) by the English, who also live in Britain....

That said, it is kind of amusing in a vague way to imagine towns named after Pokemon, and "BBC Channel 4" is actually a clever pun that could only have arisen though this specific joke. Plus, I asked Jon (Levi), with whom I do a podcast, for his thoughts about this comic, and he said it pissed him off! That's how you know a comic's good, when it pisses off the British. 

I think most people will find at least one funny bit in this comic, even if as a whole it might leave them cold. It's still better than 'time is passing (again)' or 'im very smart with science' or...

This is set up like a parody of people, but no one in the history of ever has had this thought process. Even in a longform way that this comic just sums up. This comic parodies something that doesn't exist, which would give it a nifty dada quality if it was intentional. 

And I'm not just being dumb! Explainxkcd has (at time of writing) like five different theories on what this comic could mean. 

Also, who uses Facebook anymore? That exact question was asked two years ago on this very blog, the last time XKCD mentioned it. 

Fuck yo shit, I can't even believe this shit. Have you seen this shit? Fuck, I just watched this shit. Fuck Jessie Heisenberg, man.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1755 - Old Days & #1756 - I'm With Her

I've long since given up on my (incorrect) stance that XKCD should stick to one level of comedy, but if we're going to make jokes about old school coding, do they have to be so impenetrable? I'm not wrong, right? Enjoyment of this comic is 90% predicated on knowing what it was actually like in 'old days'. The humor comes from the total historical inaccuracy of what Notbald is saying.

And yeah, you can kinda understand that she's not being serious even if you don't actually know much about computing history, sure. HOWEVER, the humor is still devalued by a lack of understanding on behalf of the reader vis a vis where the falsehoods begin exactly.

Dara O Briain has a really good bit early on in his second stand up DVD where he talks about why he doesn't do jokes about Muslims. It's better in context and I do recommend you watch the full thing, but for the purposes of this review the relevant quote is "I could research and write the greatest Muslim-based material you've ever heard [...] and you'd all be there going 'Is that a thing? I've never heard of that, is that a thing?'"

Of course comedians should never limit themselves just because we're all ignorant and all artists should strive to challenge their audience in some way, but y'know, there's making difficult music and there's making twenty minute compositions for wind machines.

Speaking of wind machines, politicians! Get it?

You really have to wonder what Randy was thinking when he made this comic. He just doodled stick figures doing random shit on top of the Hillary Clinton logo. And like, that'd be fine, except he also has some on chairs and flying kites? Is that supposed to be funny? Cute? Ironic? It makes the comic look less serious, like he's trying to distance himself from any kind of serious endorsement.

I'm not going to get political here, since the system is rigged so that any form of meaningful choice is taken from the people and it doesn't matter what you believe, but this comic is just a bad idea. It's fine to show support, but this is such a vacuous message that it should have just been a note under the header like he's done before. Instead he made it into a comic with no substance that became dated in less than a day.

I'd be less critical of this comic if there was some persuasion or explanation attached, something to say "I'm with her because [X]." But even that wouldn't have meant much since this comic went up on election day, and most people have made up their minds by then.

Basically what I'm asking is who is this comic for? It's not convincing, it's not funny or cute, it's basically worthless now that the election's over, and it went up so late that the information that could be useful probably won't get to most people that would see it.

Also why is the list of links labeled "How to help"? It's a really pretentious way of saying "Here's some stuff to help you out if you're having trouble voting". Sure, voting is helping, but in a really abstract way, it's not like volunteering or demonstrating on behalf of a candidate, or -even more importantly- arguing with strangers on the Internet.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1722 - Debugging & #1723 - Meteorite Identification

I'm really on board with the concept of this one, but I think something's lost in having it all described to an audience surrogate. I wish we got a shot of him crawling through a dark tunnel, and in his mouth there's a piece of paper with an IP address written on it in blood, something like that. The sword of Martin The Warrior sounds important, shouldn't it get some kind of actual buildup?

Also, that 'long story short' is bullshit. It reminds me of how amateur fanfiction writers will use the word "somehow" to mean "i couldn't think of an explanation but i wanted it to happen anyway". Half the fun of the joke is the transition from boring tech speak to exciting archaeological (?) discovery, and that takes that away.

That last line by White Hat is totally unnecessary as well, it's just spelling out what's supposed to be funny. The correct reaction would be "...wait, what?".

To steal a joke from Jon Levi, I'm not mad with this comic, I'm just disappointed. This was such a cool idea for a comic and we end up with this bland, nondescript, and non-descriptive 6/10.

I'm gonna get killed by getting hit by a meteorite just to spite this comic.

For real though, who has been so personally affected by people who think rocks are meteorites? That's the only group I can think of that would enjoy this comic. I feel insulted on behalf of people that expected an actual joke out of XKCD on the day this went up; instead, they got lectured that they should give up that hope of ever seeing a meteorite.

That interpretation is probably too harsh but this comic still consists of nothing than "You have not seen a meteorite" and it's like fuck you man! I saw one on Monk once!

I actually considered heading to the American Museum Of Natural History where they apparently have meteorites on display, but that's a three hour trip each way and I ain't got that time to give away, sorry. I drew a rough replica of what the blog would have looked like if I'd done that, tho:

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1862 - Bun

I am not going to insult Randy by implying that he actually wrote this comic.

This is a really interesting experiment, having a comic ghostwritten, but only one comic in an extended sequence. It reminds me of those soda taste tests that happened right before Billy Joel wrote "We Didn't Start The Fire", or those science experiments I read about that one time where people tasted food differently when it was under different lights or colored wrong. It's always interesting to be reminded that the majority of our perceptions are affected by how they're framed and presented to us.

Oh! Oh! I thought of two more examples! That one time Gordon Ramsey pretended he'd made something another guy made and that one time that people pretended McNuggets had been organically grown!

It's like how if you heard this instrumental that was kinda crap but it was labeled as a lost Beatles song, you'd give it more of a chance then if you knew it was actually from some random jam band. In the same way, Randy is making people take a second look at this piece of garbage made by some twelve year old who gets all their humor from other twelve year olds on tumblr. Extra points go to Randy for just having the peripubescent write it, letting him do the drawing. If you didn't give Randy any credit at all, you would almost think that he was a miserable enough writer to make this himself.

However, I spotted it right away. While it's obvious I'm not Randall's biggest fan, he's made me laugh in the past, I expect him to do so again, and I know that he would never lower himself to such a level. Because if he did, he would be openly displaying that he doesn't just find it cute but actively funny when people say "bun" instead of "rabbit" or "birb" instead of "bird". Randy would be admitting to us all that he has not progressed as a writer since eighth grade.

So, since this comic wasn't written by Randall, I am not going to be doing my usual full analysis of the 'humor'. It's pretty obvious how empty and contentless this comic is, anyway. I have no doubt that any member of my audience can see for themselves that this comic is cutsy nothing bullshit.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1670 - Laws of Physics

Man, Black Hat has gotten lazy.

I love it.

This is such a stupid comic, it makes no sense. How did Black Hat convince the guy to stand still while he lets a weight swing into his face? No one's that stupid, unless you're a cartoon character in a TV show made for babies without brains. Most people won't even do the real physics weight swing thing without a demonstration first.

But this comic is just irresistible. Look at it. Black Hat has just given up. He knows that his once-brilliant charms have dulled and diluted until they are no more, but he went into work anyway. He may not be putting any effort into his filing anymore, but by god is he going to collect those paychecks until they throw him out.

He didn't even bother to climb all the way up the ladder to sit comfortably, he's just leaning on the rungs while he gives a half-hearted monologue and prepares to hit a guy in the face with a weight.

It's almost like meta-menace, he's so past giving a shit that he doesn't even try coming up with clever schemes anymore. Why bother stealing a Russian submarine to get your hat back when you can just hurt people for cheap chuckles?

I know that my amusement is very routed within my xkcd-hatedom background, but this comic has inspired me, at least for the moment, to not care so much, and to just laugh at this broken man about to break another man in the face.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1669 - Planespotting

I really wish this comic was called trainspotting so I could say "Randy must have been trainspotting to have thought this comic was a good idea!" Too bad 'planespotting' isn't a drug-using euphemism.

This feels like Randy's just trying to show off how much he knows about planes, which is stupid, because anyone who would be impressed by that is not someone from whom you seek approval (because they're losers). The joke is literally "I know a lot about airplanes" with a weak disguise over it.

Also - "one of those people" implies that there are more people like this, or that the reader is expected to have seen people like this in other entertainment media, and either way I am baffled and terrified. I'm reminded of one time I clicked on a retweet that came up on my Twitter timeline and their bio was "a nice calm series of tweets about ASS WORSHIP" and I was exposed to a world of which I had never known existed, sheltered from the outside as it was. Is there a whole universe of people who can identify planes from fifty miles? Why did none of them find more productive things to do with their lives? Just imagine all of the webcomics they could have reviewed.

...is what I would say if I didn't check explainxkcd before posting this. HaHA! I stoped myself from making a stupid!

Okay, I admit that the previous four paragraphs are not fair criticism of this comic. BUT, I think in this specific instance I should leave my first impression up. The actual joke is that Randy is talking nonsense but pretending to know what he's talking about. He might as well be a computer technician saying "yeah, you have to reformat your megabytes and upholster the data". BUT (lesser but this time since it's not as important as the last one) unlike my example, which uses simple terms that even less knowledgeable people have a vague understanding of, Randy misused actual jargon. That means that in order to get this comic, you would have to actually be one of those crazy plane-knowing people. Sure, most people would get that "IVII" isn't a real number, but it's buried so much in the techy wordy words that a lot of people are just going to see it as another bit of high level speak in a block of high level speak that they don't have the vocabulary to understand.

In conclusion, most people are going to see this and not get the actual joke and just see this as an incredibly lame brag.

Also - who the hell says "what's that airplane?". Should've gone with the Pink Floyd reference.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1662 - Jack and Jill & #1663 - Garden

Before we start: My friend Lightning released a new album the other day! It's called Golden Age and it's all 90s rave themed so if that's up your alley definitely give it a listen or two!

I'm really digging my decision to do double reviews sometimes. I'm not going to make it an everytime thing, but I like how when I have very little to say about a comic other than it's wrong, I can have a kinda short review but add a longer review on top of it so that I don't feel like I'm ripping my audience off.

This comic is wrong. You build wells at the top of hills so they don't fill up with runoff from higher ground, plus you carry the heavy bucket full of water downhill instead of uphill every time you get water. Randy is a goddamn city slicker who wouldn't know how to plow a field if his wife was a tractor.

Woo! On to the next one!

So, this is the first XKCD since the comic started to be delayed by three whole days. It had so much buildup that it ended up counting as Friday and Monday's comic, breaking Randy's technically perfect upload streak. Was it worth the wait?

Well, I can definitely appreciate the effort that Randy put into this. This has interactivity and randomness and stuff! ...unfortunately, it really just feels like a slightly more sophisticated version of one of those mid-2000s simulator flash games, or a more artsy version of the Plants Vs Zombies 'zen garden' minigame.

I also really don't see what it has to do with April Fool's Day. In the multiple delay status updates, the comic was referred to as 'the April 1st comic' rather than 'the Friday comic' or 'the latest comic' or just 'the comic'. I understand that the last two April Fool's comics were both interactive, but that's not really a prank or a joke (as in, more of a joke than a comic is already supposed to be, like that time Dinosaur Comics swapped out the dinosaurs with gifs of other webcomic characters that constantly switched with each other).

So, not saying that Randy should have done the work on the comic sooner, since I totally understand missing deadlines and underestimating how long something will take, BUT since the comic isn't actually holiday-themed in any tangible way, couldn't he just have done a quick filler-type comic for Friday and then finished working out the bugs at his leisure?

Now, the comic obviously isn't supposed to be funny, but does it accomplish what it set out to do? Not really. Like, it's neat, but also kinda screensaver-y, you dig? It's not unpleasant to look at, but I'd never seek it out (unless by 'screensaver' you're thinking of the pipe animation thing because that was the fucking bomb).

This last point is likely a more subjective one, but I think relaxation tool things are more relaxing if you have more of an influence on what the screen's displaying. In this comic, you control the lamps, and everything comes from how you place them. You don't plant the seeds or control how fast they grow or how fast the wind is blowing. Compare that to Silk or Neonflames, which, even though you don't completely control the finished result, you're given several controls that give you a good idea of how it'll look. Good on Randy for doing something new, but this really feels like XKCD's Chinese Democracy: a lot of buildup for nothing that impressive.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1636 - XKCD Stack & #1637 - Salt Mine

I was totally laying in bed, just about to fall asleep, when my eyes shot open and I thought of my poor neglected blog. Such is the eventful life of an XKCD hateblogger.

I don't understand this comic at all. Something something something code maybe? I get that it's kinda like the XKCD phone series, where it's a bunch of really shitty features, but because it's framed in this software engineering setup, I have no idea how shitty they are, except for "some piece that works so nobody asks any questions", the best part of the comic. That is a relatable thing, we all have our things like that, but the relatability isn't the focus of the whole comic, so it's alright. The worst part (that I understand) is the Minecraft reference, since Minecraft is now solidly the property of amateur Let's Play channels desperate for views.

So the joke is that they built this huge expensive thing but it was really an excuse to get free salt. To eat, without any other ingredients. 

Who the hell just eats salt? I could get behind this comic if the food they were eating was like, apples, or rock candy, but salt??? Why would anyone just eat salt!!? That's like, you're just dehydrating yourself at that point! No!!!! 

I used to have this lowkey theory that XKCD was actually a giant code on behalf of Randall Munroe, and that eventually he'd post a thing saying "I tricked you all, my comics were just shitty to fit the code and I'm actually a genius" (this would explain why a comic got uploaded two days early but was replaced with another comic and later uploaded on it's "proper" date, even though XKCDs make sense in almost any order). This comic makes me think that he's actually an alien trying to understand humans. It's like that British guy who bit into an onion like it was an apple. It's so jarring that he would think that anyone would behave like this. I made a salt sandwich when I was like, four, since I liked salt on my mashed potatoes, and then I never tried eating salt in such a minimal way again, since I am a human with human taste buds who does not enjoy the taste of unaccompanied salt.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1591-1609 - EPIC CATCHUP REVIEW OF SADNESS

I probably should have just done this directly after the hiatus. It'd have definitely been better than being behind for two months, but at least I'll be able to get back into the swing of things in time for December and the two year anniversary. For now I'll be channeling my inner Rob Mason (for there is a Rob Mason in all of us, right next to the Slim Shady) and giving you some shorter reviews that may or may not be fleshed out in future.

#1591 - Belle's Theorem
It's executed well, and I appreciate that I don't actually have to know what Belle's Theorem is to understand the joke, but the joke is just a preachy thing about how people don't understand science. D+

#1592 - Overthinking
It has footnotes. Might as well be Mallard Fillmore. F

#1593 - Play-By-Play
This reads like every pretentious 'I'm too smart to watch sports' comment I've ever seen, with a hint of the played-out 'common words' joke thrown in. Really boring art too; we should see at least a popup thing of the diamond. D-

#1594 - Human Subjects
Okay but why are her subjects awful? Are they criminals? Mentally disturbed? Republicans? (yuk-yuk) That context could add so much to this joke. We don't even get to see them do any of the things. C-

#1595 - 30 Days Hath September
I assume this is supposed to be a relatable joke but I don't have this problem since I'm a smart cookie. That wouldn't be an issue except no joke is made about the problem other than that it exists. F

#1596 - Launch Status Check
Why doesn't anyone ever oppose these things? There should be at least one guy getting progressively more and more frustrated at all the unprofessionalism. There should at least be some acknowledgement that this is immature. There are tumblr posts kinda like this that go like "me as a doctor: woah dude youve got like tons of bad stuff in you" or something like that. And they're kinda bland and interchangeable but they pretty much work because the structure of the joke makes it clear that the joke is their own immaturity or incompetence rather than just 'what if everyone was stupid'. D+

#1597 - Git
Would have been better if the third line just ended at "No idea." but then it would have been CouldBeATweet so hmmmmm. Nice use of that context that #1594 was missing and it's pretty much understandable even though I'm not Programming Guy so C+

#1598 - Salvage
Wow! Nice job on this one, excellent non-verbal exposition, pretty good art, and the punchline hits you all at once at the end. This is my favorite kind of XKCD. A+

#1599 - Water Delivery
Boooo on the reused building and water bottle art and kinda ugly colors but yayyy on most of the rest. It gives topical background and illustrates the idea well. Unfortunately, it does have that 'feels like a presentation' thing going on, similarly to #1400, where the idea is presented in the manner that's easiest to understand instead of the way that brings out the humor the most. The captions should have been the first and last panels and the comic should have been the middle panel. B

#1600 - MarketWatch
So they noticed it happening... but also they were doing it intentionally and didn't want to break the pattern? Huh? Why is this event occurring? I have so many questions. Also the newscaster's hairline clips through the side of her head. F+

#1601 - Isolation
First reaction: 'this is just #1227 but visual and not quotes. After getting to the punchline: "oh. that's okay then". Full credit where credit's due, my expectations were successfully subverted. Nice double meaning in the title, too. B+

#1602 - Linguistics Club
It's CouldBeATweet, but it'd be a funny tweet. It's got that rhythm that one liners are supposed to have, and that little line between the two halves helps bring that out, improving on what the text-only version would have. C+

#1603 - Flashlights
I really like how the person says "I guess?" because that's totally the reaction of everyone in the audience. Lighting a forest on fire seems more Black Hat than some random dude, though, who is he to burn down all our precious oxygen-generators? Anyway pretty lame punchline, we should see the burning forest, D+

#1604 - Snakes
Why did it have to be snakes? Haha, I'm being silly, I'm not actually Indiana Jones, I'm Greg Greenwell (for now)! It's a nerd joke, but it's a nerd joke most people will get, I think. It's CouldBeATweet though, which is of course unforgivable. Also it's weird that he'd color the snake considering how hard it is to see. C

#1605 - DNA
It's a White Hat comic. It strammans and simplifies the opposition so that Randy's OC can win. Nothing is new. F-

#1606 - Five-Day Forecast
Well. That's dark. I'm kinda sad now. Also that is some reused art assets. D

#1607 - Supreme Court
thewecomicsreview likes it! It'd have been funnier to see the supreme justice saying it from his podium thing though. C+

#1608 - Hoverboard
It kinda feels inevitable that XKCD would do a flash game comic, and honestly good for it, even if it is a blatant gimmick. The controls are pretty decent (although not as good as the controls for Cubified, the free flash game available through desura, that I did the soundtrack to) and it was a good choice to have an infinite jumping mechanic. It's also pretty neat that it lets you discover the true expanse of the game on your own.

It is, however, pretty lame that parts of the scenery are non-solid while looking exactly like the solid scenery, making some navigation a trial-and-error process. The bigger spaceship thing has too many interlocking corridors, meaning that it becomes confusing without a built-in area map. And that island in the sky with no indication that it's there but it has two coins? Dick move, Randy, how was someone supposed to discover that? Lern 2 level design.

but if you want to add a soundtrack, Randy, seriously, hit me up. Not even joking on this, I'll do it for pennies.

#1609 - Food Combinations
LIES, Randy, LIES. I've told people many times that red Doritos taste good with milk and/or dipped in chocolate pudding, and not a single person has ever even entertained the possibility that I am right (even though I am, as always). And likewise, no one could ever convince me to try ice cream with eggs. D-


So I know this isn't my usual thing, but if you don't like it, just remember that A) it's not going to be a regular thing, stick around for a typical review tomorrow, and B) the first comment on Rob's post about me existing was that my reviews are too long and this is my appeasement of them.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1581 - Birthday

As happy as I am that the copyright industry has lost this one, this is not something that deserved a whole comic to itself. And if it did, the comic deserved some context. Even the people who knew that "Happy Birthday" was copyrighted wouldn't know what this comic meant if they hadn't heard that said copyright had been declared invalid.

I understand that this isn't supposed to be a joke, but it isn't even cute. At least #1000 had all the different stick figures and we can nostalgia trip a little. This one only has twelve, and you can't tell who four of them are.

This comic is too long to be a tweet, but it definitely shouldn't have been a comic on its own. Everyone knows you have to thank the readers if you're going to make a content-less anniversary post.

I have to say, though, without XKCD, I think a lot of us would have a hate-shaped hole in our collective hearts. I wasn't around for xkcdsucks' golden age (I was a Cracked guy, before Cracked went to shit), but I'm betting any readers that came over from there can remember one comment section they had a particularly time in. One time I even met a former anti-fan from 2008 on Omegle and I got him back in by showing him XIF, it was kickass. And when you think about all that, how can you really truly want XKCD to end?

So, Happy Birthday, XKCD. And many more.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #Bill Gates - XKCD Marks the Spot

"It's funny that XKCD did a thing for Polio Day because XKCD is also a disease.", I tweeted, shortly before realizing that I should review the thing and I'd just wasted a perfectly good opening line.

You'd think that Randy would see the opportunity to get a comic published on Bill Gates' blog as a chance to expand his audience. This isn't something throwaway, this is essentially a commission. So I really question why Randy didn't put more effort into this.

One of the main things wrong with this comic is the lack of context. Who are these people? Why is this being presented to them? Why is the presentation so short? None of these questions are actually answered, we're left to guess. Maybe the guy is supposed to be Donald Trump since he keeps saying stupid things and has bad hair.

Another thing is that the stupid character we're presumably meant to laugh at isn't stupid in any kind of realistic way. He's almost acting like a bad political cartoon's depiction of millennials, with the way he only seems to understand exciting new technologies. And then on top of that he just keeps going even after being corrected multiple times. Half the panels are redundant. No one who'd passed 9th grade would do this! If someone did, I'd commend Randy on his exemplary satire of them. But 'they' don't exist.

Art-wise, the polio arrow things look kinda neat, but everything else is pretty dire. Panels one and three in particular, they look scribbled. As if those three people behind the desk didn't seem stupid enough, what with their silence and not doing anything. And in panel four, the line for they guy's body goes over the panel border! These are amateur mistakes! On Bill Gates' blog.

Less unforgivable but still bad: the idiot guy would have to stand up for panel six to be composed the way it is, but he's sitting back down in panel nine. This would seem to represent an increase in intensity or passion, but no other verbal or physical cues are given from him or the presenter chick to indicate that.

This is a comic that I just think Randy didn't think through or even work very hard on. Maybe he got tired after doing the diagrams for panels two and seven. I'm frankly amazed that Bill Gates didn't ask for something better.

Also the line about smallpox is wrong, the government keeps some in a vial in a coffee can in the White House refrigerator so that they can kill us all if we start a large-scale rebellion.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1576 - I Could Care Less

Wow that's a lot of words. I didn't sign up for this! I'm down for unfunny attempts at deep observations, but if I wanted long unfunny attempts at deep observations, I'd be reviewing Subnormality! Or possibly Least I Could Do.

I want to make it clear that I'm not just criticizing this comic for having the Wall Of Text thing going on, I'm criticizing it for not really being a comic. It's an essay disguised as a comic. And in my opinion, that results in a poorly delivered message and an unfunny comic.

Randy probably could have taken the preachiness and shortened the monologue and made this into a less smug, actually funny observation. That's a probably, I don't know how, but it probably could have been done by someone with some comedy talent in them.

This could also have been a somewhat interesting blog post. I don't know how much I'd have agreed with it, but it'd have made me look at something in a way I hadn't before, which is never a bad thing. (This is assuming the smugness is toned down at least a little) Unfortunately, either because he thought it would be more marketable or more palatable or more interesting in this format, he made it into a smug, unfunny, I might go so far as to say pretentious, comic. ("Everything else is pointless" is heavy phrase, I'd have saved it for something about like, overpopulation or something.)

It's also kinda hypocritical, isn't it? He's made so many jokes about taking turns of phrase literally, are they now all cancelled out by this one? On top of that, like, the dictionary is a thing. I used to think "acrimonious" meant "friendly", and that was my understanding of it, but that was demonstrably wrong and I needed to be corrected on that so I could let go of my hope of The Clash ever getting back toegether.

In conclusion, I could care less about this comic, but I could also care a lot more about it.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1572 - xkcd Survey

Introducing not a joke and not an interesting not joke either.

I really feel like this is the kind of thing that should be regulated to What If?. Like, end one column with this, mention it in a blog post or a tweet, and it'll already be spreading because people love sharing XKCDs, and then have the next What If? be about the data. But instead, a perfectly good comic space is wasted forever (unless Randy changes this comic to show the data in which case I'll re-review it but it still won't be a joke).

I just don't get the point of this. Like, it's not a joke, it's not artistic, it's not even one of those kinda interesting ideas he has from time to time. It's not even informational, all of the questions are 'quirky' and don't actually give any interesting demographic information. I'd be genuinely interested if there were questions like "how did you find XKCD?", "how long have you been reading", "what is your favorite comic", etc, but instead we get "do you know your astrological sign (y/n)", "type 'cat'", and "When you first saw The Dress, what color was it?" (seriously, Randy, even the people that cared about that last one don't remember that by now). There are "How many older/younger/twin siblings do you have?", "How old are you?", and I guess a few others, but they're like five questions out of fifty so it doesn't count.

In conclusion, my answers to the questions as currently given by explainxkcd:
Yes; No but I might someday; What dress?; lobster; Yes, occasionally; No; cat, dog, fish, bear, bird; Pleasent; Run in high heels, Ice skate, Cut vegetables with a knife, Swim; Recieve; No; Warmer; a t-shirt, a hoodie, and a necklace; No; 23; 9; No; No; 0, 1, 0; Yes; Angelina Jolie; No; No; Yes; sdfa; 2; No; Yes; Vanilla; 23; No; No; Yes; 18; White; iPhone; fries and a baconburger with cheese; No, Yes, Yes, No, No, No, Yes, No, No, No, No, Yes, No, No, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No, No; no; Yes; No; Neutral; Yes; Beer, Tomatoes; Caffinated soda, Fruit juice, Milk, Water; like, if, you've, ever, jumped; No; 4; Sub, Hamburger, Open-faced sandwich; Cat person; No; No.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1568 - Synonym Movies 2

There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said.
I'm just repeating myself repeating someone else
equally incapable of uttering a single new thought.
Yet you are ever worthy of adoration,
so how can I for a moment cease to lift my heart in praise?

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1562 - I in Team

The other day I walked up to my good friend Randall Munroe and asked him how things were going. This being my good friend Randall Munroe, he immediately punched me square in the jaw, knocking me to the pavement. It hurt a lot, since he'd recently drawn a comic with color, which strengthened up his drawing arm to at least twice its usual muscle density.

"'How's it going?'" he repeated, looking down at me with a sneer so large that the sides of his mouth started to bleed, "What do you mean, 'How's it going?'? What is 'it', and where would it be 'going'?"

"Please, my good friend Randall Munroe," I begged him, "It's just a turn of phra-"

The tip of his steel toed boot made brief contact with my teeth, and suddenly I was displaced by about a foot or so, face down now. I tasted gravel, then blood.

"And how... the... fuck...." my good friend Randall Munroe said, kicking me full force in the side with every word, "Do you turn... a... phrase?" I heard him clearing his throat before spitting, the slimy result dripping down the side of my neck.

"I mean, Jesus Christ," he continued, a beam of light straight from Heaven shining down upon him as he spoke the name of the son of God, "What do you do, write down the words and then rotate them? You fucking idiot."

"I'm- I'm sorry..." I pleaded, the words slurred by blood and a missing tooth, "I was only using a figure of speech..."

My good friend Randall Munroe pulled a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket and tapped one out. He looked around as he smoked it before putting it out, half-finished, on my cheek.

"Please..." I said. He barely glanced down at me before walking away.

After a minute I was about ready to stand up when I heard a rapidly approaching roar of an engine. I looked up just in time to see my good friend Randall Munroe run over my legs with his 2012 Dodge Challenger SRT-8. I teared up as I looked down at the mess of crushed muscle and bone that were once my trusty shins. The pain wouldn't hit for another minute or so, I was still in shock.

"So like, the body shape of a word? Huh? Huh?" He called out, his voice muffled from inside the car. "Or are you saying the speech has a number?" Not waiting for a response, he gunned the engine, the back wheels spraying dirt and cloth and me onto my gaping wounds. I could faintly hear sirens in the distance.

Flecks of darkness crowded my vision, and sounds became more distant. "See you later... my good friend Randall Munroe." I slurred out, and everything went black.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1560 - Bubblegum

It's really convenient how explainxkcd gathered a little collection of previous parodies of the "kick bubblegum and eat ass" line to compare this comic to. As of time of writing, all the examples listed are one line, just like the line they're parodying. Even when XKCD last parodied it (it's in #1110 so I can't link directly to it), Randy only added a one-word response from another speaker.

With this, the (already lame) joke is stretched out by a beat panel and a line that doesn't work.

The idea that the two parts of the line are related is kinda clever. It'd have been funny to see Duke Nukem say "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum." and then blow a bubble which kills someone. Unfortunately, the two parts of the parodied line are combined instead, as if we're parodying the parody.

I guess we could say that XKCD tried to have They Live / Duke Nukem parodied, but it just ended up parodead!

Also, I don't know if I'm just jaded, but the "make friends" thing strikes me as very Children's Movie. I understand Beret is sometimes supposed to be the 'naive and childlike' archetype, but there's not being angsty and there's The Lorax Movie.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1547 - Solar System Questions

This comic marks the second time Ceres has been mentioned in an XKCD, which means that if I'd been forward thinking instead of A FOOL, I TELL YOU, A FOOL, I could've had a mega-cool blocsonic reference going on. But you know, live and learn, like that one Sonic song.

That punchline is the epitome of shoehorned in, right there at the end. Are we seriously supposed to believe that all those questions (some answered) were setup for that? It's clearly not the focus of the comic.

I'd like to say for sure what the focus of the comic is, but the best I can do is "something something science doesn't know everything". Which to me seems like a weird thing to say, considering how much of an advocate for science he's been in the past.

This comic should have also waited the ~eight days it'd take for a probe to land and [Soon!] to become an actual answer.

This is the kind of comic that makes me think that XKCD is actually some kind of giant joke Randall Munroe is playing on all of us. Like after ten more years of this he'll reveal that it's all a giant code for "Bush did 9/11" somehow. It's just so lacking in any actual information or effort. The explainxkcd post for this comic can actually be pretty interesting, because it actually, y'know, explains the answers or why we don't have the answer. This comic, meanwhile, teaches us nothing, contributes nothing, means nothing.

I no longer fear death.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1538 - Lyrics

That's a really bad way to represent hard-to-understand lyrics. Since the text is edited and cut up, it looks more like Randy's trying to show manipulated vocals, like in the beginning of Radiohead's "Everything In Its Right Place" or Skrillex's "With You, Friends (Long Drive)". Instead of editing the text like that, he should have written the words as mostly gibberish, and placed the music notes over as well as around them.

Also if you can relate to this comic you are a total pleb. REAL music fans can instantly understand entire albums full of the most horribly slurred lyrics ever, even if there's three vocal tracks going at once and they're all in different languages.

I kid of course, but it's kinda odd to hear someone imply that they can never understand song lyrics. Like, I could totally get someone having no idea what Michael Stipe is saying in "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)", but like, all songs? Seriously? Is that radio tuned to a station in Germany?