XKCD Isn't Funny - #1678 - Recent Searches & #1679 - Substitutions 3

My first reaction, which I think mirrored the first reaction of many long-term XKCD readers, was "Hasn't he done this before?". And then my second reaction was "oh, not really, but the first one was still better".

My finalish reaction, after reading it a few times, is "I get what this joke is probably trying to convey, but the only thing I understand about it is the 'opposite of safe mode' part".

This is totally going to get me one of those "Greg isn't smart enough for XKCD" responses, but I like to think about myself as an average consumer who will probably know about 90% of the references that other average consumers will get. That probably isn't the most honest way to look at Greg Greenwell as A Person, but I think the point stands: I am, in my ignorance, confronting this comic as if I was one of the commoners. (I'm not though, I'm much better than you. I have a blog.)

A close reading reveals two extra jokes that I can understand, but if I weren't reading this comic specifically to review it, I would not have given it that close reading. Whenever I see a big block of text with a bunch of technical looking words, and it's not going to education me, my eyes just slip right over it. My time is valuable, damnit! I can't bother wading through gibberish just to find one or two half-decent jokes! It'd be like watching a Dane Cook comedy routine but two-thirds of it is backmasked.

This I didn't even bother reading twice since it's a joke I've already read and reviewed. Is anyone seriously clamoring for more of this shit? It's so easy to come up with, watch:

Randall → Adolf

Munroe → Hitler

Greg → God

Greenwell → himself

review → describe

XKCD → cancer

funny → worth it

Rob → male feminist

Jon → Jew boy

blog → piss puddle

joke → hate speech

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1664 - Stargazing & #1665 - Toasts

I know it's a long shot, but does anyone happen to know who made that one song that goes like "and if I pretend to like Coldplay, she might let me see her naked, but probably not"? I downloaded it off of bandcamp ages ago but then I deleted it like a FOOL, I TELL YOU, A FOOL.

I've said it before, but I just don't get what Randy's going for with these 'what if someone was really bad at something' comics. Like it could be funny if they had to pretend to be an expert on something they weren't to save face, in a kind of 90's sitcom way. Or she could be bad at it in a way that obstructs another character from getting something, like there's a time bomb but the librarian has to check for ID and since they don't have any she makes them all pose for the picture and get IDs printed. Instead this person is just bad for no reason and with no consequence. The person isn't even being satirical or anything.

The bit about "can't happen soon enough" is kinda clever though, I like that part. I wish we got to hear the explanation though.

This is the kind of thing where I understand why he thought it would be funny. I can totally imagine having a great time if I was at a party and someone quoted the quote (is that something people do at parties?) and everyone started making snowclones of it. Like the other day I was hanging out with the fam and a bunch of us were cracking each other up by making food puns on classic literature since my cousin wants to open a book-themed restaurant. 

Maybe the joke would have worked if that was the type of situation being portrayed, everyone having a good time at a dinner or whatever. This presentation just feels soulless. Everyone's in their own box, we don't see who they're toasting to.

Beret's appearance makes me think that the joke could have worked if the first and last panels were the first two panels of a slightly different joke. Like, Beret's thing is that he's weird, right? Maybe he hears the original toast and doesn't understand why it works so he tries making his own version and it ends up not making sense. It could be funny for the same reason that it's funny to hear someone telling a joke really badly. 

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1636 - XKCD Stack & #1637 - Salt Mine

I was totally laying in bed, just about to fall asleep, when my eyes shot open and I thought of my poor neglected blog. Such is the eventful life of an XKCD hateblogger.

I don't understand this comic at all. Something something something code maybe? I get that it's kinda like the XKCD phone series, where it's a bunch of really shitty features, but because it's framed in this software engineering setup, I have no idea how shitty they are, except for "some piece that works so nobody asks any questions", the best part of the comic. That is a relatable thing, we all have our things like that, but the relatability isn't the focus of the whole comic, so it's alright. The worst part (that I understand) is the Minecraft reference, since Minecraft is now solidly the property of amateur Let's Play channels desperate for views.

So the joke is that they built this huge expensive thing but it was really an excuse to get free salt. To eat, without any other ingredients. 

Who the hell just eats salt? I could get behind this comic if the food they were eating was like, apples, or rock candy, but salt??? Why would anyone just eat salt!!? That's like, you're just dehydrating yourself at that point! No!!!! 

I used to have this lowkey theory that XKCD was actually a giant code on behalf of Randall Munroe, and that eventually he'd post a thing saying "I tricked you all, my comics were just shitty to fit the code and I'm actually a genius" (this would explain why a comic got uploaded two days early but was replaced with another comic and later uploaded on it's "proper" date, even though XKCDs make sense in almost any order). This comic makes me think that he's actually an alien trying to understand humans. It's like that British guy who bit into an onion like it was an apple. It's so jarring that he would think that anyone would behave like this. I made a salt sandwich when I was like, four, since I liked salt on my mashed potatoes, and then I never tried eating salt in such a minimal way again, since I am a human with human taste buds who does not enjoy the taste of unaccompanied salt.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1625 - Substitutions 2

Imagine if I just copy-pasted Jon Levi's review of the first Substitutions comic but switched out most of the words with their first synonym in Word. I'd be making exactly the same point as that review, and anyone who read both reviews would essentially be getting the same information twice, but it'd mean I wouldn't have to think of anything original for another day.

That might be too mean. Really, the worst part of this comic is the bland, text-only presentation, not the duplicate joke. It wouldn't be so bad if it was like a Dinosaur Comics, where they'll kinda be listing things sometimes, but it'll be in dialogue form. Of course, if this was Dinosaur Comics, the list would be in the middle and it would lead to some other joke. (Dinosaur Comics is good)

I do actually like the "years/minutes" part. Especially because I know there's at least one XKCD fan who's blindly followed this list and will eventually forget the filter at a crucial moment and miss an important deadline.

Overall though, it's not even as good as the original. The original was a ripoff of a better comic too, but it had multiple jokes in it, and it was actually poking fun at things. In this one we get "expands > physically expands", and I don't get it. That's not fun, that's just redundant.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1582 - Picture a Grassy Field

Someone at Making XKCD Slightly Worse has probably already done this, but imagine if she started with "Picture a grassy field." and the guy was just like "No."

This comic should definitely have been split into multiple panels. The monologue would work much better if it had actual pacing instead of just slight breaks. And Guy could react to what Girl says in real time. It'd turn the comic from a monologue delivered by Randy to the reader into a dialogue between two characters.

Making it a dialogue would also have made the comic easier to understand. As it is I still don't really get how I'm supposed to react. Like, the creature isn't scary, it's not a creature that eats your brain when it travels to your frontal lobe. It actually sounds kinda cute (but not as cute as my cat). The consequence of picturing this creature is the harsh sentence of... possibly thinking about it at a later time.

I don't get it. :|


Also: brief, non- full-review -worthy notes on QC#3082: If she could predict herself crumpling up all the notes, why'd she bother writing them all? Like the first extra note is fine, but then she's suddenly in NOTEZONE and there's no logical reason for it. I wouldn't mind if Questionable Content was a wacky random dada comic (ex), but it's not, it has Intense Dramatic Moments that don't work with this kind of absurd humor.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1579 - Tech Loops

I get that Randy probably intended for this to be confusingly organized, but he actually succeeded too well. It goes beyond being a convincing depiction of the nonsensical way he's organized his computer system and the comic just becomes hard to understand.

Most people in the Western world, which is where the majority of XKCD's audience lives, tend to read left to right and top to bottom. This means that most readers would read a contextless "supports" first, and like me, not realize it's meant to be a key. I learned it in seventh grade: you always label your keys when making a chart or graph or etc, just like you always label your axes. Also, the key shouldn't be in the top left, it should be available but nonintrusive in the top right, where the punchline is hanging out for some reason. The "Things I..." box should be moved to the bottom right, since it's meant to be the last thing the reader sees.

After the reader actually starts on the flowchart proper, they'll start at either "tool" or "updater", naturally pick the rightmost arrow on the latter, and end up at the dead end of "repository" a few arrows later. It's very counter-intuitively designed.

And when I'm done reading this I'm kinda just like "Okay, well, stop being shit at computers then." Maybe it's more relatable if you're a more techy person. Either way, it's a pretty lame joke made even worse by the presentation.

I mainly just feel bad for the people at explainxkcd that had to transcribe this.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #Bill Gates - XKCD Marks the Spot

"It's funny that XKCD did a thing for Polio Day because XKCD is also a disease.", I tweeted, shortly before realizing that I should review the thing and I'd just wasted a perfectly good opening line.

You'd think that Randy would see the opportunity to get a comic published on Bill Gates' blog as a chance to expand his audience. This isn't something throwaway, this is essentially a commission. So I really question why Randy didn't put more effort into this.

One of the main things wrong with this comic is the lack of context. Who are these people? Why is this being presented to them? Why is the presentation so short? None of these questions are actually answered, we're left to guess. Maybe the guy is supposed to be Donald Trump since he keeps saying stupid things and has bad hair.

Another thing is that the stupid character we're presumably meant to laugh at isn't stupid in any kind of realistic way. He's almost acting like a bad political cartoon's depiction of millennials, with the way he only seems to understand exciting new technologies. And then on top of that he just keeps going even after being corrected multiple times. Half the panels are redundant. No one who'd passed 9th grade would do this! If someone did, I'd commend Randy on his exemplary satire of them. But 'they' don't exist.

Art-wise, the polio arrow things look kinda neat, but everything else is pretty dire. Panels one and three in particular, they look scribbled. As if those three people behind the desk didn't seem stupid enough, what with their silence and not doing anything. And in panel four, the line for they guy's body goes over the panel border! These are amateur mistakes! On Bill Gates' blog.

Less unforgivable but still bad: the idiot guy would have to stand up for panel six to be composed the way it is, but he's sitting back down in panel nine. This would seem to represent an increase in intensity or passion, but no other verbal or physical cues are given from him or the presenter chick to indicate that.

This is a comic that I just think Randy didn't think through or even work very hard on. Maybe he got tired after doing the diagrams for panels two and seven. I'm frankly amazed that Bill Gates didn't ask for something better.

Also the line about smallpox is wrong, the government keeps some in a vial in a coffee can in the White House refrigerator so that they can kill us all if we start a large-scale rebellion.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1578 - Squirrelphone

Before we start today, I'd like to thank everyone that's ever posted a correction to something I'm wrong about, whether it was an error of grammar or logic or factual accuracy. I only just now realized how nice a compliment that is, that someone would not just read what I have to say, but also help me improve. You probably know that I'm not going through the easiest time in my life right now, and I just wanted to say that you're the best audience I could ask for. Thank you.

ALTERNATE, LESS WEIGHTY, OPENING LINE:
"xkilnkivhgdcvjkubol" - my cat.

My reaction to this comic is kinda summed up by the last panel. I don't get why this is supposed to be funny. It's almost like what Making XKCD Slightly Worse would do to a comic about using squirrels for phones: "What'd you expect if you pick up a squirrel and hold it to your ear, ya dingus?" But it's not as funny when Randy's making Reality Ensue on something he made happen. When someone gets hit in the face with a pie, they aren't the one throwing it. You can't spray your own pants and then be embarrassed that you look like you wet your pants. That'd be almost like reading a webcomic you tend not to enjoy and then complaining that it's not good.

If this is supposed to be a parody of like, bananaphones, it's not clear enough. The setup should include some people picking up bananas, and then this guy desperately tries to fit in by grabbing the nearest thing, which ends up being a rabid squirrel.

In conclusion, here's a video of 10th grade me playing my friend's keyboard. 

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1574 - Trouble for Science

I was so pleasantly surprised when I first read this comic. I thought to myself "Oh, a science comic that doesn't require you to know much actual deep science for you to get the joke, cool!". And then I got halfway through my review before checking explainxkcd and finding out that the first four are true things that have happened.

The way I was reading this comic, the headlines start realistic before getting progressively more absurd, making the reader go back and realize they're all lies. Now that I know the actual meaning behind the comic, I feel like it was supposed to be a "What next?" type of punchline. Like Randy's a standup comic all of a sudden*, and he's saying "So what's the deal with these things in the scientific community? Antibodies don't work, rat testing doesn't work... what's next, Bunsen burners cooling things down?"

The problem is, nothing differentiates the last headline from the others besides the heightened level of absurdity. Without anything to distinguish why that absurdity is there, the reader is left assuming that all other headlines are similarly absurd.

My suggested fix is that we go to the two people walking thing that Randy does occasionally. The setup is something like "Did you hear...", "Yeah, and..." etc, and the punchline is "I bet next year we'll find out Bunsen burners make things colder.". It wouldn't be a great comic, but I'd have nothing of substance to complain about, and any day I can't complain about a comic is a good day for Randy.



*Obligatory joke: I knew he could do comedy, I just didn't know he could stand up.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1572 - xkcd Survey

Introducing not a joke and not an interesting not joke either.

I really feel like this is the kind of thing that should be regulated to What If?. Like, end one column with this, mention it in a blog post or a tweet, and it'll already be spreading because people love sharing XKCDs, and then have the next What If? be about the data. But instead, a perfectly good comic space is wasted forever (unless Randy changes this comic to show the data in which case I'll re-review it but it still won't be a joke).

I just don't get the point of this. Like, it's not a joke, it's not artistic, it's not even one of those kinda interesting ideas he has from time to time. It's not even informational, all of the questions are 'quirky' and don't actually give any interesting demographic information. I'd be genuinely interested if there were questions like "how did you find XKCD?", "how long have you been reading", "what is your favorite comic", etc, but instead we get "do you know your astrological sign (y/n)", "type 'cat'", and "When you first saw The Dress, what color was it?" (seriously, Randy, even the people that cared about that last one don't remember that by now). There are "How many older/younger/twin siblings do you have?", "How old are you?", and I guess a few others, but they're like five questions out of fifty so it doesn't count.

In conclusion, my answers to the questions as currently given by explainxkcd:
Yes; No but I might someday; What dress?; lobster; Yes, occasionally; No; cat, dog, fish, bear, bird; Pleasent; Run in high heels, Ice skate, Cut vegetables with a knife, Swim; Recieve; No; Warmer; a t-shirt, a hoodie, and a necklace; No; 23; 9; No; No; 0, 1, 0; Yes; Angelina Jolie; No; No; Yes; sdfa; 2; No; Yes; Vanilla; 23; No; No; Yes; 18; White; iPhone; fries and a baconburger with cheese; No, Yes, Yes, No, No, No, Yes, No, No, No, No, Yes, No, No, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No, No; no; Yes; No; Neutral; Yes; Beer, Tomatoes; Caffinated soda, Fruit juice, Milk, Water; like, if, you've, ever, jumped; No; 4; Sub, Hamburger, Open-faced sandwich; Cat person; No; No.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1561 - Water Phase Diagram

In which Randy accidentally leaves in the Wikipedia page he was using as reference.

I can appreciate the effort that he went through to try and make the joke. Vanilla Ice being Ice VI is kinda clever. It is really forced though. Randy had to make an entire chart of water phases to get to it, and on top of that, he had to invert the usual graph orientation, which makes it read weirdly.

I don't really get what he was going for with the "Vanilla Ice" → "David Bowie & Queen". Like, I get one sampled the other and DB&Q is on the bottom because they're "under pressure", but it really looks like he's saying that Vanilla Ice turns into David Bowie & Queen when pressure is added, which is obviously nonsense.

My friend from Arizona adds: "h a h a h a h a they used a musicians name that I'm familiar with so I recognize that ha h a  h     a".

It did teach me there's more than one kind of ice, though. That's probably a plus on some level.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1556 - The Sky

So, this comic isn't funny; but, to be fair, it's not trying to be, that's not the point of this particular piece. The point is for people to read it, think "Oh, wow, that's not a stick figure comic, Randy can actually do some pretty art stuff when he tries." and also perhaps "wow, that's deep that the sky is just the other half of the earth, such a fitting image for such a deep thought."

I'm actually not sure if I got that right, since the line "It's one of my favorite halves." is so vague as to what the other half might be. The title text indicates it's either the earth or the ocean, and either way I'm mildly surprised. I'd have expected Randy to be more scientific about the sky vs. outer space thing after reading #1394.

Taking the art on it's own, it's not a bad picture, it'd probably make a nice desktop image at least. It's got some nice contrast going on. The perspective is maybe a little wonky and the smaller clouds look like he was just filling in what he saw as empty space, but overall the second panel is good job at making pretty thing, Randy. I like the top left corner the most, myself.

Unfortunately, the comic's biggest flaw is right above that corner. It really isn't nice, compositionally speaking, to have a panel jutting out over the top of the large central panel. Maybe to fill up that ugly blank space, there could be a few extra panels showing them walking to the sky-viewing place, and a beat panel between Hair's two lines. It'd be a nice square, and the row of panels on top would even balance out the black ground on the bottom.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1547 - Types

I've got nothing. This joke is so far beyond me, it's making colorful metaphors about how beyond me it is.

I do not know programming. Anyone who does, as always, should feel free to comment and tell me why I'm an idiot (in this specific instance, not just in general).

Some uneducated thoughts:
It's text only, which is lame, but I think drawing this all out into panels would actually be a worse choice, dragging it out and defusing the joke. Also it's not short enough to be a tweet so it gets a pass on that as well.
This is one of the few cases of Randy not using setup that I completely understand. Who on Earth would want to learn even coding just so they can get a single XKCD comic?
It feels like there's a progressive escalation of the awfulness of the fake programming language, which I feel like I appreciate.

Essentially, this appears to be a fairly well done comic that I do not get at all and have no interest in getting.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1529 - Bracket

The joke is that some well-known people have the same or similar-sounding names or titles. In this comic, Randall imagines pitting all people (and some objects) with similar names against each other in a series of unspecified matches. This is drawn out in brackets to the final match, despite the fact that after one or two matches there would be no similar names between the remaining contestants.

Randy should feel bad for thinking that this constitutes entertainment in any way. This is like something I would say if I was trying for anti-humor (although I'd have used an actual setup, to make my audience first think I was going to say something funny).

Fuck this comic. Fuck it. Fuck everything. Let's get everyone on earth in one of these brackets so we can collectively end it all, one round at a time. Whoever wins the last round can staple this comic to the front of a Starbucks so that when the aliens come they'll know why it had to end.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1517 - Spectroscopy

I'm listening to Faith Hill's "Breathe" for the first time as I type this, and I was not expecting it to sound like this at all. "XKCD" and "pop country" had never been linked in my mind before, even tangentially. If there was any music genre I had expected XKCD to link itself, it'd have been chaphop or nerdcore or vaporwave* or something like that. But I digress.

I have to confess that I didn't get either of the references, so the crossover was completely lost on me. My usual criticism of XKCD's obscure jokes does still apply though. More people would understand this joke, and more people would find it funny, if the setup included the background information to the punchline. Obviously it'd make for a longer comic, but it's not like long, detailed, or complex comics haven't been made in the past.

Also, it's probably just my /mu/sical bias showing, but I'd have gone with the Pink Floyd song. It's the second track on the second-best selling album of all time! It's a more widely known reference, and a more dignified one too, more suited to the discovery of new planets. And -and- it's not like making the reference less esoteric would be handing the joke to the audience when the other half of the joke is about exoplanet spetctoscopy.

*I actually think vaporwave is a legitimate subgenre to plunderphonics, and I've done my own little experiment with it, but can't you just imagine Randy listening to it? This really intense look on his face, and he's going "yes, oh man, capitalism. Japan".

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1505 - Ontological Argument

Ah yes, The Ontological Argument. Y'know, that one singular ontological argument?

No, seriously, what the hell, Randy, ontology's a whole field of study, there isn't "The" ontological argument any more than there's "The" philosophy debate.

[Edit: One day later:]
Greg you goddamn arrogant moron, the ontological argument is a basic shorthand for a common religious argument that you saw back when you were a whiny atheist preteen, remember? You would have known this if you'd bothered to just google "ontological argument", you absolute hack.
[/Edit]

I should start counting the comics that just have these two characters walking and saying the end of a conversation we didn't get to see. (See: #1315, #1345) It's like hearing fifteen second excepts from a bad comedy podcast.

Speaking of comedy podcasts, I recently found the The Worst Idea Of All Time Podcast podcast, which is kinda like this blog, except instead of XKCD it's Grown Ups 2, and instead of me it's two actual established comedians. Go listen to it! It's good, and not bad, as the segue into my mentioning it might have you believe!

Have you ever walked into a conversation just as someone gets to the punchline of a story, and everyone laughs but you?
VR Simulation for those who haven't: "...and it turns out my underwear had just bunched up." / *laughter*
That's also what this comic reminds me of. They know what the hell they're talking about, we don't. Especially not when Randy calls it "The Ontological Argument".

I don't understand why he doesn't just add a panel or two of expository dialogue before dropping the punchline, like in #1404.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1501 - Mysteries

I'm disappointed that "Your fetish" wasn't on the "Weird as hell" side.

This is one that I just honestly don't see the humor in it. It's kinda neat to see a list of mysterious events, I guess, but there's not really a joke here UNTIL...

....you get to the alt-text! Like, seriously, mouse over the comic, it is worth reading (if a little wordy for an alt-text). It's kinda self deprecating, which is a nice change of pace, and it's, y'know, a joke. However, it also really takes away from the comic. It's nice to know that Randy's literally just giving us a folddown of his Wikipedia experience of the night. I've said before that certain comics look like they were written after hitting the "random" button on Wikipedia a few times for inspiration, and now we know why.

In conclusion, seriously, @theneedledrop, only 5/10 for Strangers To Ourselves? I mean, it's no Jenny Death, but it's still at least a 7/10, dammit.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1495 - Hard Reboot

The joke is intended to be that Randy has given into using an easier system that will damage his computer in the longterm. If the light timer happened to reboot while the computer was doing something important, then that could potentially cause various errors.

This, I patiently explain to Randy from across the bar as I drink a martini in my custom suit, could be completely averted if he just shut down his computer at night. "Like a normal person", I say before popping one of those tiny hot dogs with bread into my mouth.

Randy, covered in rags and his own tears, can only fall over from the COLD LOGIC that I just spit at him, his glass of water shattering beside him.

"You know..." I admit to the bartender now that our enemy is unconscious, peering down sadly into my second appletini of the night, "I'm not actually totally sure I understood the comic."

"Hmm?" the bartender replies as he polishes a glass, a thick Russian accent coming through the hummed syllable.

"Yeah, I mean, I checked explainxkcd, but there's always that danger that I'm completely misinterpreting everything. And if I am, you should totally correct me in the comments."

And that was when I passed out from drinking too much, having had a cosmo before the appletinis.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1489 - Fundamental Forces

As longtime readers of this blog may recall, or may not recall if I didn't actually mention this before, all my knowledge of physics comes from NOVA's presentation of The Elegant Universe that I watched sometime in fifth (?) grade. I was supposed to receive an actual education on the subject in 11th grade, but instead Mr. Guilmain decided to do things like show us his vacation photos, give relationship advice, and tell us to be agnostic, no seriously.

Not that I'm bitter that taxpayer money went to this guy for an entire three years AND COUNTING.

So anyway, I have a feeling this would be funny to me if I had that upper level physics knowledge, but I didn't even know the equations until today. As always, any readers more educated on the subject are warmly invited to write in with their opinions.

I get that it's making fun of how basic physics is taught, and y'know, fair enough, but it does seem kinda petty, like making fun of first graders for having to learn addition before multiplication. The basics have to be taught before the full version.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1481 - API

I don't find this funny because I don't know enough about computers to understand all the concepts on display. HOWEVER

I understand the principles of comedy that are being used here. The joke is that the in-comic text is just a really fancily-written description for how a website works, like "visual data will be transmitted to your brain" means "you'll see something". The humor comes from rereading the first statement and realizing that it communicates the same thing as the second. I pretty much get the "Guide" section, but I'm just totally confused by the "Keys" half, which ruins the joke for me. The alt-text does a much better job at being accessible, even including a topical reference to the leap second thing.

I am not saying this comic sucks because I don't know things. I'm saying this is why I personally don't get it and don't think it's funny. BUT, I also think that XKCD should stick to one thing or another, either upscale computer jokes targeted at a specific demographic, or a largely more down-to-earth style with some computer jokes in the background.