XKCD Isn't Funny - #1335 - "NOW"

Geez, what is it with you, Randy? You fluctuate so rapidly between ACF (Actually Pretty Funny), SCHICETAI (Such Complete Horseshit I Couldn't Even Talk About It), and today's IRTC (Infographics Rather Than Comics).

I'm reminded of a quote by Yahtzee from his Top 5 of 2010 video:
"The message Square Enix now seem to be bringing across is: “We just want to make films! How much more gameplay do we need to remove before you’ll figure that out? We’ve pared it down to the point where all you do is clop down linear hallways and their A.I. subroutines do the combat for you. Now stop expecting us to make games so we can remake Spirits Within!” But you just can’t take the hint and stop buying Final Fantasy, can you, you cruel bastards."

Well I don't personally agree with the statement (I'm not much of a game guy) it does reflect how I feel about XKCD. All he wants to do is make infographics and political cartoons, but every time he tries to shift his career, all the people that are still entertained by XKCD jump out of the woodwork and force him to draw stick figures making sex talk at each other again.

And also if you check the forums like I do, you'll see that this is one of at least three revisions he's done, having ballsed it up the last two+.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1332 - "SLIPPERY SLOPE"

I’ll have you know that this comic offends me deeply, Randy. My sister died because people were considerate. You should take this comic down right now, so that other people aren’t offended by such pornographic filth. I mean, look! One character isn’t wearing any clothes at all, and the other one’s only wearing a hat!

This is disgusting, Mr. Monroe. You should be ashamed of yourself.

XKCD Isn't Funny - #1331 - "FREQUENCY"

(comic link)

Wow… that’s sure hilarious, Randy. I can’t imagine going through life without the awesome hilarity of knowing roughly how often someone in Denver orders a pizza.

This comic has further problems, one being that it isn’t really a comic, but if we at xkcdisntfunny.blogspot.com limited ourselves to commenting on things we considered comics, we’d be out of a third of our possible targets.

I remember way back in one of the earlier grades of elementary school (this was a while ago, I’m fuzzy on the details, but bear with me) one of my teachers brought out a board with lights on it, and each light had a little caption above it. When they pressed a button on the back of the board, all the lights started blinking in intervals, basically like this comic, although I’m fairly certain it was more limited to “birth”, “death”, “a car is built”, and didn’t have all the cheap sex references that I guess are supposed to be the punchline (more like the punchl-INANE if you ask me!).

I remember one of my classmates actually got really scared by it (I think his name was Cameron, but that’s probably wrong) and asked if he died the light would go on at the exact moment he keeled over. And they had to explain to him (and all of us, honestly, we were little idiots) that no, the board wasn’t psychic, it just showed the average rate of the thing. And after that, the board seemed a lot less exciting and magical.
I wonder if he’ll update this comic when the birth rate/death rate/rate of car manufacturing in China changes significantly, or if he’ll leave it to be a relic of a less civilized age, when things like this were repeatedly reblogged to my dashboard by people I thought I could respect.

Also, I am calling bullshit on “a Sagittarius named Amelia drinks a soda”. That’s an extremely rough estimate at best.

#1330 - "KOLA BOREHOLE"

Before I get into the actual content of this comic, let’s look at the way the characters are positioned. Megan and today’s Black Hat Guy are both sitting at desks in front of laptops, with their backs to each other. Is it just me or is that a really weird thing to do? They’re talking like they’re friends, so I assume they’re at one of their houses and not a library or anything. Why would you arrange your house like that, so that you have to sit with your backs to each other if you both want to be online?

Also, where does BHG’s desk go after the first panel? He’s actually further away from Megan in panel four (but closer than he is in panel three), even though he’s spun around in his chair, which he couldn’t have done without pulling out and getting closer to Megan (that sounded less dirty in my head).

Anyway, these people are casually doing what friends do and surfing the internet with their backs to each other, when Megan brings up an urban legend she found about the Kola Superdeep Borehole,  the deepest artificially created hole to date (despite Megan’s claims in panel three, it has not been sealed, because that would be even stupider than trying to grow corn in Russia (it took more than twenty years to dig, you don't just cover something like that up)).

BHG then brings up a genius plan, and Randy has Megan pat him on the back for it. Nevermind that even XKCD’s own forums have fairly conclusivelyproved his plan impossible or, at the very least, not capable of accomplishing the goal he’s set out to do.

Writing the commentary for this comic was one of four or five times in my life that I felt I’d probably chosen the wrong path in life.

Anyway, fuck this comic. It’s factually incorrect on two fronts and its Randy’s masturbatory self congratulation for creating such a brilliant character.

#1328 - UPDATE

Commenting on this comic actually gave me an explanation for a complaint I’d seen in the other two XKCD hate-blogs. I’d seen both of them complain about “GOOMHR [Get Out Of My Head Randall] Bait”, but I shrugged it off, since the more important issue to me was that the comic wasn’t funny. Little did I know as I read those websites, long, long ago, before Bomb the Music Industry! broke up (those magnificent unicorns of ska, them), that being GOOMHR was the main reason the comic wasn’t funny.

GOOMHR Bait isn’t the problem in and of itself. After all, comedy is supposed to be relatable. I have at least ten hilarious jokes that are intelligent, witty, and -by the way- require an in-depth knowledge of the history and culture of the U.S.S.R. (I actually do, and they are awesome, but you wouldn’t get them (you idiot) so I’m not telling you them). The problem with GOOMHR Bait like this comic is that it doesn’t expand beyond being relatable.

Yes, Randy, that is something I and probably a lot of other people do. Congratulations, you know a semi-common behavior. They way you extend this into an actual joke is by twisting with our expectations. Exaggerating the circumstances slightly isn’t enough. What if it was a perfectly normal update and bald dude reminds himself later, but then his computer catches on fire, and “Tell your children about reminding later” scrolls across the screen? That’d be hysterical, I assume!

Also in the third panel the guys head is separate from his body.


On a serious note, let's have a brief moment of sadness and then a big loud two and a half minutes of drunken singalong for the breakup of Bomb the Music Industry!, the maker(s) of ten really good albums and Goodbye Cool World (also there are eight bootleg live shows floating around, but only two or three of them have better than "i guess i can get used to this" on a recording quality scale). Jeff Rosenstock, you had some unappealing facial hair, but I think that's why we loved you. Godspeed you and godspeed the companions that helped you make such amazing noise bombing the music industry throughout the last decade. 

I'll try and get into your next music project before it goes on a hiatus from touring next time.

#1325 - REJECTION

 

 

Let’s momentarily ignore the fact that this is another “hey guys look at this strawman, I can beat him up because he’s a strawman” comic and look deeper into this situation.

The first guy to talk (Kevin) is, for the sake of the comic, an asshole. The guy who replies to him (Jim) is presented as being both morally right and quick to show it.

So how did they get this far in the conversation while walking?

Honestly think about it, it’s really weird. It’s not like Kevin just saw Jim on the street and decided to open with his line, there has to have been at least some conversation beforehand.

I think Jim and Kevin are actually good friends, and Jim is saying his line in jest, as a reference to a past conversation with another, more self aware, friend of theirs.

That still doesn’t give this comic a punchline, but at least it makes sense now.

[EDIT:] There's a very interesting discussion about this comic right over here that I encourage everyone to check out. It brings up a lot of points in referrence to both speakers.